Lately I have been seeing many posts from ladies and guys alike saying they can’t find anyone to date because of x, y, and z. So instead of just staying true to themselves and weeding out the ones not right for them, they just want to give up. Why do people give up so easy on finding love? Maybe what they need to do is take a step back and reevaluate how they are approaching the whole subject. Stop spending your days wondering why Mr. or Mrs. Right hasn’t walked through the door and swept you off your feet. Spoiler alert: this is real life, there is no slow motion pause as the man or woman of your dreams walks through your favorite coffee shop or restaurant. Work is involved in finding love. However, what can be done is you can grow a thicker skin and allow yourself to be ready to face rejection.
Look I get that the dating world is tough. I was in a relationship and marriage for 10 years and was left with emotional bruises and scars and 4 kids. That is a lot for anyone take on and I knew that when I went back into the dating world. You know what I also knew? I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t. I know what I will put up with and I know my worth. In all honestly, if a guy says he is not interested because I have kids, I let him go. No hard feelings, because I remember before I got married and single dads would ask me out, I would say no because they had kids. Why? Because I wasn’t ready for the responsibility of having to love not only the guy but his kid. I also didn’t understand what it meant to date a guy with kids. I thought it meant I was going to be thrown into a parenting role off the bat, which is far from the truth. I also didn’t want to have to share my time with some kid that wasn’t mine, because I was young and selfish. However, after having kids, I realized that the assumptions I had are not true. Now listen, I know there are woman out there who strictly date to try and find a dad for their kids. These women, however, do not make up the majority of women with kids. Most of us don’t need them to take on that role, we need them to take on the role of being with us and seeing where that goes. I am also a firm believer that you shouldn’t bring up your kids on a first date. Why? Because you need to see if you even have anything in common with the person first. Why spend the date mentioning your kid or kids, if the person you are with is as dull as a doorknob? Now I am not saying hide the fact forever, but people need to do some vetting before they decide to mention kids to someone they go out on a first date with. Besides this, if someone decides, they do not want to pursue you because you have kids, it is not your fault. Do not put yourself down and decide dating isn’t worth your time because one person says they can’t handle the kid thing. You will meet someone who won’t even blink when you tell them you have kids and might even find you more attractive because you have a child. Now I am not saying this person is just going to fall into your lap, you will have to work to find them. Please, however, don’t spend your days searching for this person. Go out, take up a new hobby, learn a new language, get out into the world. You are more likely to find someone with the qualities you are looking for, if and only if, you put yourself out there.
Now another aspect I have noticed is ladies asking why guys are only attracted to model looking girls with perfect bodies? Halt! Now I am not going to lie men are visual creatures, but so are women. However, I used to think the same thing, but it is not true. Everyone has their own preferences to what they are attracted to and why. Some men are more attracted to physical aspects and don’t care about personalities or quality of the person. Run from these guys…run!! Most of them are dull and honestly have nothing to say. If a man cannot value your brain as well as your body, he is not worth your time. I mean he may make a good hook up, but nothing more than that. There are men out there who are attracted to the intellectual just as much, if not more, than the physical. No, they aren’t fat or unattractive, if that is what you are thinking. The saying beauty is on the inside is not said by ugly people. It is said by those of us who need to be able to hold a conversation with the person we are with to truly be attracted to them. I always say looks will get you in the door, but your personality is what keeps you there. It means, yes I need to be attracted to you, but if you have an ugly personality, you won’t be staying around. Ladies, please don’t change yourself for men. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not because it will make you more attractive to men. Men love confidence. Be confident in who you are all around, your looks, mind, how you carry yourself, that will earn you more looks than anything else. Also, smile more. Men are naturally attracted to happier women. No guy wants to approach a woman who is always scowling or looks like the world has pissed her off to the largest extent. This is common sense, but most people don’t seem to practice this. I sure as hell am not going to approach a guy who looks like he is pissed off at the world. Why? It’s not attractive at all.
Also, if people around you are telling you that you will never find love because you aren’t a size 2, have a kid, aren’t classically beautiful, you need to ignore them. You need to erase them from your life because toxic people thrive on bringing people down and making them feel worse about themselves. I have been told many times, I don’t deserve to be loved or to find love, and I just tell them, they don’t deserve to be in my life and move on. I have a thicker skin then most and cutting off toxic people in my life has always been easy. No one can tell you that you don’t deserve love. Everyone deserves love and to be loved. Please don’t allow others to make yourself feel like this is your truth. You need to know your worth. You need to love yourself. You can’t expect to find Mr. Right or Mrs. Right if you don’t even love the person you are. You can’t make others love you and the truth is not everyone will, so you need to be okay with that. Don’t just give up on love because you have been rejected. Rejection is part of the process. In business it takes 10 no’s to get 1 yes and the same can be said for love. Love is a numbers game. The more times you try, the greater chance you have to find the one person you have been looking for. If giving up is that easy, then maybe you need to take a step back, reevaluate yourself and try again when giving up isn’t an option. I will never give up, no matter how hard, how long, it takes because in the end, when you find the love you have been longing for, you will forget how awful or long the process was. So, don’t give up, because giving up is easy, and finding a happily ever after, however you define it, is not easy. Nothing good comes from giving up and who knows, that one person you are longing for, may be right around the corner but you are going to miss that opportunity because you decided to give up instead of powering on.
©Writing the Rose