poetry, Relationships

Jealousy

Unanswered calls
One-word texts
Time fading away
Signals pointing to other women

Smiles becoming seldom
Accusations flying
Perfume smells unfamiliar
Lip stick stains appear

Possession diminishing
Freedom increases
Security flailing
His eyes turning

Looking at someone else
It is nothing
Her jealousy overwhelming
Turning innocent smiles into affairs

He feels suffocated
She is going crazy
Jealousy is destroying them
She is letting it be this way

She can’t quiet her mind
Going slowly insane
Both of them agreeing
With this jealousy it is best to walk away

©Writing the Rose
©writingtherose.com
25 August 2018

poetry, Relationships

Bye

I feel myself slipping down into the web of this digital land
I can barely recognize myself anymore and feel so out of control
I can’t seem to stop falling further and further into this black hole
I have to leave before I can no longer escape

My mind becoming a darker place, conversations taking me back to bad memories
Judgment swirling and pressure to fit in growing immensely
I can’t spend my days staring at this screen trying to keep up
With today’s latest soap opera or roasting scene

This place was supposed to be an escape
Somewhere to kill time when I was bored or couldn’t sleep
Now it is something stronger than that
It has become a force unseen

Tearing into my self-esteem and confidence I am growing tired
Feeling worse about myself with each sentence I read and send
I need to run away before I fall into the prey of this scheme
I am better than this nonsense

I don’t need people’s approval to know who I am or what I deserve
I don’t need constant judgment and teasing to try and get me to cave in
I have spent far too many years becoming a better person
To be dragged back down into my pits of darkness by a group of people I will never meet

Banter and playful conversations used to disguise your true intentions
To gain information to use against me later
Nothing I say is safe, nothing I post remains in its place
Pictures being stolen and posted for others without my knowledge, all of this driving me away

So, I am logging off and walking away
I need to find a place that makes me happy again
A place where I can be productive and have fun at the same time
This place is not it because it is taking me to feel like I am at my last line

I am saying goodbye to all the drama and the lies
The judgement I can feel it in your eyes
I need to go back to crushing my goals in life
Instead of sitting on this website looking at digital lies

 


©Writing the Rose
©writingtherose.com
4 September 2019
Relationships, Uncategorized

Valentine’s Day is just another day

A day of love. Yet shouldn’t everyday be a day of love?  Do we really need a holiday to prove we care for another person? Is that how shallow our society has truly become?

Valentine’s Day the one time of the year people in relationships love because they think their partner will shower them with gifts. The holiday is catered to those in relationships. It is also the day that corporate American reminds single people how much they fail for not being in a relationship. However, if you really take a look at what this holiday has become, it is really just a sham. I mean why on one day of the year should you expect your partner to be going above and beyond to show you how they feel. This should be happening on a regular occurrence, and Valentine’s Day should just be another day. It is a day of love but why is it only focused on the love of couples?  Why can’t this just be a day of love for all? Who cares if you are single, maybe you enjoy not having to deal with the struggles of a relationship or maybe you just don’t have time.

Being single is not a bad thing, nor is being in a relationship. However, I have seen way too many people use Valentines Day as a way to go overboard to prove they really care for their partner. Yet when February 15th rolls around, the fights start again, and they question why they are still together. I always believed the ones that got the most on this day, were always overcompensating for something wrong in the relationship, or something they have done. I can’t count the amount of times, a girl comes crying a week after getting a huge display, having just found out her boyfriend has been cheating for months. Corporate greed has made us believe the more we spend, the more our partner will love us. This is farther from the truth. Stop fretting if your significant other doesn’t go all out or forgets. The holiday is overrated anyway.

All over social media you see people either bragging or complaining about how their life sucks. Singles feel left out, and restaurants make deals for single people. I am not sure my take on this because I don’t want pity for being single. I mean a discount is nice, but do I really want to go to restaurant and say I am single, so give me a discount today. Forget that. Do I want to go to a bar and wait for another lonely guy to take me home to fill our void together? No! You don’t have to be with someone to feel complete. You should be enough for yourself. Wait until you find the person that will treat every day like Valentine’s and not wait for the calendar to tell him or her to celebrate and appreciate you.

So often we are made to feel incomplete if we are not in a relationship and this is no more present than on Valentine’s Day. However, it will also make you question your own relationship. I always advise staying away from social media on this day. Don’t compare your relationship and your gifts or activities to others. Everyone is different. Some put more importance on the time spent together than on the money drained from their account. I would much rather have a guy spend an uninterrupted evening with me with no distractions, meaning turning our phones off and having a real conversation, than being showered with superficial gifts. Though we have become a superficial society, so I can understand why some feel compelled to go all out. I won’t hop on that train though. A home cooked dinner, candles, wine and some good music will always beat a fancy 5-star restaurant. Plus, who really wants to fight to get reservations? Too much stress.

Does one day really make a difference? Does buying a gift make your relationship last longer? Does this day make up for the rest of the year? No, is the answer. If you say yes, you are just deluding yourself because one day does not make up for every other day. Can you make it a day of a fresh start, of course! Just don’t use Valentine’s Day as a way to try and make up for all the bad things that have occurred. A holiday cannot replace those memories or actions taken. Sure, you can go spend a lot of money and shower someone with a falsehood of security, but if it is only done on this day, that façade will disappear quickly. Use today as just another day to appreciate all of those around that you love. If you are single, get together will your other single friends and celebrate your freedom to go out and do whatever you like on this day catered to lovers. If you are in a relationship, celebrate in the way that works for you and your partner. Forget the hallmark cards and lifetime movies. Only you know what your partner likes, and if you don’t, well that is a whole other subject. What I am trying to say is don’t put pressure on yourself to match what has been ingrained in our brains since elementary school. Enjoy your day and at the end of the day, it really is just another day in the scheme of life. Don’t waste your time worrying about 24 hours and just do what works for you.

 

©Writing the Rose

©writingtherose.com

14 February 2019

Relationships

Lower Standards or Social Media Killing Romance

Why is it so hard in this world of billions to find the one that complements you? How hard is it to find that one person who will accept you for all your flaws and tributes? It seems nearly impossible when we are plastered with images of what the perfect relationship is, and social media has ruined the thrill of the chase. We used to have to wait by the phone for the person we liked to call, and it was the thrill that kept us interested. Now we wait for messages to be read, images to be liked, and texts to be returned. In this day of social media, we get mad when someone doesn’t respond immediately. No one considers that we all have lives and most of us don’t stay plastered to our smart phones all day long. At least I don’t.

After my divorce, I have started to realize that the old-fashioned way of dating has died and has been replaced with a lazier and more demanding type of way. So, in the 10 years I was out of the scene, Netflix and chill has overtaken the dinner and movie concept. People are putting out on the first date instead of making a man work for what they can get. Which is in turn why is so much harder for someone, like me, who values the chase to find someone to date. I mean, sure, I could find some guy to take me out to dinner, but he will more than likely be waiting for his appreciation at the end of the night. Why do guys feel so entitled to sex just for paying for dinner? What happened to treating a woman like they should be treated?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am definitely not the type that has to be wined and dined but occasionally it is nice.  I am actually someone who prefers going to do something physical like hiking and then having a picnic. Or playing something like paintball, aero soft, or anything else physical and then cooling down with drinks and talking. However, this new generation has decided to skip the hunt and just go for girls that are down to Netflix and chill, or just hook up on the first date.

Now sure, there are some women who will think the old way was just keeping women down, but I disagree. There is nothing wrong with being able to be strong and independent and let a man do his job of paying for a date, at least the first one. I am all for splitting the costs after the first date. However, for the first date, the guy should be doing the chase and showing a woman what she could have while with him. If you can’t make me feel like you would have my back, then there won’t be a second date or even a second look back. Plus, if you can’t afford to take a woman on a date and pay, then you really shouldn’t be dating. The same would be said to me, if I wasn’t making sure my kids were properly cared for first. So why is it okay to judge women and hold them to such standards, but not hold men to the same such standard.

I also think this is another reason why men have gotten so lazy. Women have lowered their standards on what men should do because they are all more concerned on being independent. This in turn has caused men to take a step back and not act the way their fathers and grandfathers did when it came to dating. Even if you can pay and can stand on your own, if you are constantly refusing to let a man treat you to anything, then they in turn give up. They don’t change to match you, they will give up and that in turns effects every other woman. When guys are getting plastered with the images that women can take care of themselves, make their own money, and don’t need them. Then they in turn decide they will no longer chase women in the old-fashioned sense. I can’t even count how many men have asked me to take them out and pay for them on a date. Excuse me? No! If you aren’t even going to put in the effort to be a man, then I don’t have time for the games.

Some may be disagreeing but image it this way. However, as a woman, I remember when it used to be that all women had to be a size 0 to 2 and if you weren’t then you had no worth and no man would want you. So, guys inevitably didn’t want women who were that size. Now I am not saying all men, but the majority of men in America turned to this fantasy that all women should look like that. Now for me, that was detrimental because after puberty, I never saw a size 2 no matter how hard I worked out. It wasn’t possible for my body to get below a size 6. So, I grew up with that image and the boys I went to school with did too, and therefore I was always overlooked by those who I didn’t really need to be with anyway, because I was not the ideal of what a woman should look like. What is my point in this? Men are now getting plastered with images and rhetoric that women can take care of themselves and can pay for themselves. So, all they think is that if a woman can take care of herself and pay, then why should he have to hold the burden of paying for dates. Why should he have to put in the effort? He is being told that he is not wanted, since women don’t need him, and it is the same as women being told they are worthless if they aren’t a size 0 or 2. Now maybe this example might seem outdated since body positivity has taken over the scene. However, for some guys of my generations those images ran deep and those are still their expectations.

So back to my original thought. Social media has made it impossible to find someone who doesn’t have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship really is. One main reason is do you ever see the dark side of relationships on social media? I am not talking about the girls who blast their men and men who blast their women type of posts. I am talking about those that have so-called fairy-tale relationships. Do you see pictures of them fighting or just the photos of when everything is perfect? It is always the latter, which is why people are always searching for the next best thing now. We are inundated with pictures of perfect relationships that only tell one side of the story. Some of the happiest couples have been through some of the darkest times. However, it is not the darkest times posted but the fairy tale ones. Which makes us look at our relationships and think there is something wrong, when the relationship could be exactly what we need. I am not talking about abusive relationships, if you are in one of those, be it physical or emotional, please leave. However, for the everyday couple, this may not be the case. We see perfect, happy, couples and think why isn’t ours like that? However, you should never compare your relationship to another couple’s because that is just a recipe for disaster. All of this wouldn’t be possible without social media, where we post every aspect of our lives.

Social media is not only affecting how current relationships go on, but it also affects how we create new ones. In a society, where no one knows how to talk to anyone anymore, we have all gone to online dating apps. Now this nothing against dating apps, as I have made a lot of friends off some of them. However, it is the perfect example of how the age of romance is fading. It is nearly impossible to find someone who talks in full sentences and not acronyms. Wyd, Hru, are not how you start a conversation. I started to think they stopped teaching English and grammar in high school after 2005, due to the complete lack of ability to form a sentence. However, no matter how swag you may have, if you can’t hold an intelligible conversation, you shouldn’t be able to get far in the dating scene. However, isn’t the irony strong when it comes to this. Most guys who type like that get more dates than the guys who write complete sentences with complete thoughts. It is actually astounding. How can romance thrive when guys can write a whole sentence in 3 letters and score dates? I won’t get too into this side because I will probably write a whole post on this later.

However, if images of perfect relationships weren’t being posted everywhere, we wouldn’t all be in such a rush to find one, even if we are in a current one. I always feel like this is why so many people are getting themselves into relation-shits instead of relationships. All you see on fb and snapchat, twitter, and Instagram are wedding announcements, pregnancy announcements, and engagements. For some single people, this is just a further reminder that they are somehow failing in life and need to hurry to catch up to their friends. However, please don’t make yourself so desperate, that you will take whatever comes your way and flashes you a cute smile. Learn your worth, both men and women. No one needs another person to make them feel complete. Honesty, you shouldn’t be expecting that. Finding a relationship is about wanting to grow with someone and if you indeed get to the marriage phase. Remember your partner is going to change as life throws curveballs and as they mature, so be prepared to love all the versions of the person you want to be with and not the one they currently are. Also remember there is nothing wrong with waiting until you meet your partner in crime. It does not lower your worth as a person if it takes you longer to find the person you want to be with. There is always this standard that if you aren’t settled by a certain age, that something is wrong with you. However, the same is said for a divorcee like me, that I couldn’t keep a marriage together. However, that is not the case. You don’t know someone’s life or story until you have walked in their shoes or walked by them. Also, if someone is going to judge you for not having accomplished something they feel you already should have, then you honestly don’t need them in your life.

So, in conclusion, romance is dying. Which for someone like me, hurts because instead of being able to do something nice for my man. It is no longer appreciated and is now looked down on upon or it is demanded. I definitely can see a difference because I know hide my hopeful romantic side than flaunt it like I used to when I was younger. However, one thing I have definitely learned is if I can’t find someone who can handle me, all of me, then they don’t really deserve a chance with me anyway. You shouldn’t have to change yourself and your standards to match those who do not meet up to your expectations. Like I said there are billions of people in this world. So even if social media makes it harder, it is not going to stop me from actually finding my partner in crime. It will actually push me harder to not lose sight of myself and what I want. Also, there is no problem with having a set of wants when it comes to a relationship, as long as it is realistic. I will not go into that because it is common sense. Anyway, that is my take on this topic. There is tons I have probably left out, but this is already longer than I had anticipated. If you made it this far, then thank you!
©Writing the Rose
©writingtherose.com

poetry, Relationships

Regret

Looking out into the world

Exploring new senses

She is lost in her mind

 

Everything around her fades

All she can see

Is who is standing in front of her

 

Her eyes can’t turn

She can’t explain the feeling

Taking over her being

 

Her body trembles

To sound of his voice

Her eyes fall to the ground

To avoid his soul stealing gaze

 

She is entranced

She can’t escape

She has no idea how she got here

She just doesn’t want to leave

 

She is frozen

She approaches him

Reaching her hand to touch him

She feels nothing but air

 

He disappears in front of her

The punishment she deserves

Is cruel enough

For her actions bestowed upon him

 

Emerging from her dreams

Her heart still sinking

The pain almost too great in reality

She prefers the wandering of her dreams

 

 

 

©Writing the Rose

©writingtherose.com

25 August 2018

 

 

 

 

poetry, Relationships

Dreaming

Dreaming of you

Dreaming of happiness

Hoping one day it is not a dream

Hoping for it to become a reality

 

Dreaming of your smile

Dreaming of your eyes

Hoping those smiles are directed at me

Hoping your eyes are staring lovingly at me

 

Dreaming of your voice

Whispering sweet nothings into my ear

Dreaming of lips

Kissing me goodnight

 

Dreaming of your mind

Showing me all of you

Dreaming of your ideas

Inspiring me to write about you

 

Dreaming of you

Being mine

Dreaming of you

Until it becomes reality

 

©Writing the Rose

©writingtherose.com

 

Relationships, Uncategorized

Don’t Settle

Let those that walk away, leave. Do not chase anyone who does not want to be with you. It will be their loss in the end. Now please don’t take this as me saying you don’t need to try. I feel like people give up early because they don’t want to put in the work. People give up because the other party doesn’t respond in a timely matter to them without taking into consideration what the other persons schedule is like. I have been on the receiving end of this many times. Guys assume I should answer a text in 10 seconds after receiving it and that I should be at their beck and call. That is not how any relationship works. You cannot base your life around another person, especially if they cannot understand your situation. It is not feasible for me to answer my phone at all hours of the day. I have four kids who require my attention and a job that requires me to do some work, you know?

If someone gets mad at you because you have a life, then they are not the right person for you. Now if this person never replies, and I mean never replies. If days go between responses, then they are just not interested, and you need to move on. If you feel like you need closure, then ask them if you should start dating other people. They will reply for sure and although you may not get the answer you want, you for sure get an answer. Take the answer and do with it what you must, continue the communication or write them off as nothing more than a friend and move on to the next. There are too many people out there to waste your life trying to please one that doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.

Relationships take work and if only one side is doing the work, it will never work. However, some people are too caught up in today’s world of instant gratification. People check their phone every 10 minutes looking for a reply text because that is what we have been taught. Information is at our finger tips, you can go on YouTube and get your 15 minutes of fame, and most models use Instagram and twitter to make money by how many likes and clicks on ads they get. No one wants to do the hard work anymore. You cannot swipe right and just expect your fairy tale romance to fall into your lap. You have to do the work. You have to communicate. If you cannot hold a conversation with someone, then you will never be able to experience the relationship you are longing for. You can’t just text and expect love to come.

Love is a chemical reaction between two people when the right amount of chemistry is involved. Ever wonder why some of the most beautiful women are with the most average looking guys? One word: chemistry. It isn’t money or fame, it is chemistry. These average looking guys can actually hold a conversation with a woman and keep her interest. Let’s face it people, looks fade. You will not look like you stepped out of the fountain of youth for the rest of your lives, so make sure you find someone whom you actually like beyond looks.
©Writing the Rose
©writingtherose.com