Personal Hell (2019)

I keep getting lost in the lies in my head steering me in the wrong direction
Filling me with doubt and having second thoughts about everything
Not allowing me to trust my intuition and constantly playing tricks
Feeling lost in myself and not sure which version to believe

The failures of my past constantly coming up and reminding me of my losses
Doing everything possible to try and remember the triumphs that trump the losses
Only to be smacked down by the negativity hidden so far below
An escape from this is much needed as my conscious can’t take much more

Distancing myself from everyone as a protection to try and keep my sanity
That is only causing me to go even more insane
Afraid to deal with people when my anxiety is overpowering me during the day
Not sure I am able to handle any more criticism or judgement, I hide away

Colder weather making it easier for me to stay hidden with its perfect excuses
Crawling back into my hole and ignoring those around me
Living in my own world inside this warm cave of my mind
I stupidly try and convince myself that I am happy here

Sitting back and watching the days pass by as my mind withers my soul away
Continuing to tell me all the lies I worked so hard to make disappear
I am losing the battle against my mind and it is turning me into a worse version of myself
I want to break free of this personal hell that I have put myself in

©Writing the Rose
Sarah Do
8 October 2019

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