Guarded Life (2020)

Let your guard down they say
As these people run away
Unable to handle the darkness in my mind
I keep tightly hidden behind lock and key

The horrors that run through my mind
Are unbearable for most of society
They will never have to experience the torment
My mind puts me through on a daily basis

Happiness such a foreign concept
French and Korean are more comprehended than love
Having to fake understanding to those that are fluent
Exhausts my soul to its core

Holding back can be exhausting
Yet it keeps the image that I am functioning as a human intact
Keeping others from being worried or alarmed
Life is all about keeping up appearances

Walking mindlessly through the day
Pretending everything is okay
While slowly dying inside
My mind and thoughts driving me insane

People would continue to run
If I dare show my true self everyday
The fear of rejection projected to my face
The robotic look automatically turning to a frown

Hoards asking if I am okay
Is too much for my social anxiety to bear
Sitting here closed off in my corner
I have become immune to your stares

Guarded is how I will stay
As it is best for everyone
At the end of the day
If you want me to stay, then this is the only way

©Writing the Rose
Sarah Do
15 March 2020

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