Lacking Vulnerability

The thought of another passionate date scares me away
Unsure if I will be able to decipher if they just want to play
Feeling the need to be valued deep inside
Wanting to be vulnerable yet still wanting to hide

My heart being pulled in every direction
Indecisiveness creating self-destruction
Convinced I can trust myself on dates
The others being the ones that show they can’t be trusted until it’s too late

Letting my body decide my actions led by my head
I feel the sting shame of the aftermath while I lie in their bed
Hating myself for giving in too early
Yet trying to let that go and allow myself to feel the flow

This never ending conflict is driving my desire for commitment into the grave
Hoping someone will resurrect me and give my heart a new place to stay
Falling deeper into my same patterns, I try not to be impressed by words
Those daggers of ice sting worse when you are the only one left standing pulling out the shards

Wanting to trust so badly
Desiring to fall in love with someone so madly
The epic battle that I want to put to rest
Seems to always find a way to give life zest

Giving up on keeping the armor
I hand you the key to the locker
Where my harden heart has been stored
Waiting for the person willing to love harder

Ready to embrace the ups and downs
Not afraid if it ends up leaving me with a frown
I release the draw bridge and let you embark
Your love I have a feeling is sure to leave a mark

©Writing the Rose
Sarah Do
24 February 2020

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