Why is it so hard in this world of billions to find the one that complements you? How hard is it to find that one person who will accept you for all your flaws and tributes? It seems nearly impossible when we are plastered with images of what the perfect relationship is, and social media has ruined the thrill of the chase. We used to have to wait by the phone for the person we liked to call, and it was the thrill that kept us interested. Now we wait for messages to be read, images to be liked, and texts to be returned. In this day of social media, we get mad when someone doesn’t respond immediately. No one considers that we all have lives and most of us don’t stay plastered to our smart phones all day long. At least I don’t.
After my divorce, I have started to realize that the old-fashioned way of dating has died and has been replaced with a lazier and more demanding type of way. So, in the 10 years I was out of the scene, Netflix and chill has overtaken the dinner and movie concept. People are putting out on the first date instead of making a man work for what they can get. Which is in turn why is so much harder for someone, like me, who values the chase to find someone to date. I mean, sure, I could find some guy to take me out to dinner, but he will more than likely be waiting for his appreciation at the end of the night. Why do guys feel so entitled to sex just for paying for dinner? What happened to treating a woman like they should be treated?
Now don’t get me wrong. I am definitely not the type that has to be wined and dined but occasionally it is nice. I am actually someone who prefers going to do something physical like hiking and then having a picnic. Or playing something like paintball, aero soft, or anything else physical and then cooling down with drinks and talking. However, this new generation has decided to skip the hunt and just go for girls that are down to Netflix and chill, or just hook up on the first date.
Now sure, there are some women who will think the old way was just keeping women down, but I disagree. There is nothing wrong with being able to be strong and independent and let a man do his job of paying for a date, at least the first one. I am all for splitting the costs after the first date. However, for the first date, the guy should be doing the chase and showing a woman what she could have while with him. If you can’t make me feel like you would have my back, then there won’t be a second date or even a second look back. Plus, if you can’t afford to take a woman on a date and pay, then you really shouldn’t be dating. The same would be said to me, if I wasn’t making sure my kids were properly cared for first. So why is it okay to judge women and hold them to such standards, but not hold men to the same such standard.
I also think this is another reason why men have gotten so lazy. Women have lowered their standards on what men should do because they are all more concerned on being independent. This in turn has caused men to take a step back and not act the way their fathers and grandfathers did when it came to dating. Even if you can pay and can stand on your own, if you are constantly refusing to let a man treat you to anything, then they in turn give up. They don’t change to match you, they will give up and that in turns effects every other woman. When guys are getting plastered with the images that women can take care of themselves, make their own money, and don’t need them. Then they in turn decide they will no longer chase women in the old-fashioned sense. I can’t even count how many men have asked me to take them out and pay for them on a date. Excuse me? No! If you aren’t even going to put in the effort to be a man, then I don’t have time for the games.
Some may be disagreeing but image it this way. However, as a woman, I remember when it used to be that all women had to be a size 0 to 2 and if you weren’t then you had no worth and no man would want you. So, guys inevitably didn’t want women who were that size. Now I am not saying all men, but the majority of men in America turned to this fantasy that all women should look like that. Now for me, that was detrimental because after puberty, I never saw a size 2 no matter how hard I worked out. It wasn’t possible for my body to get below a size 6. So, I grew up with that image and the boys I went to school with did too, and therefore I was always overlooked by those who I didn’t really need to be with anyway, because I was not the ideal of what a woman should look like. What is my point in this? Men are now getting plastered with images and rhetoric that women can take care of themselves and can pay for themselves. So, all they think is that if a woman can take care of herself and pay, then why should he have to hold the burden of paying for dates. Why should he have to put in the effort? He is being told that he is not wanted, since women don’t need him, and it is the same as women being told they are worthless if they aren’t a size 0 or 2. Now maybe this example might seem outdated since body positivity has taken over the scene. However, for some guys of my generations those images ran deep and those are still their expectations.
So back to my original thought. Social media has made it impossible to find someone who doesn’t have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship really is. One main reason is do you ever see the dark side of relationships on social media? I am not talking about the girls who blast their men and men who blast their women type of posts. I am talking about those that have so-called fairy-tale relationships. Do you see pictures of them fighting or just the photos of when everything is perfect? It is always the latter, which is why people are always searching for the next best thing now. We are inundated with pictures of perfect relationships that only tell one side of the story. Some of the happiest couples have been through some of the darkest times. However, it is not the darkest times posted but the fairy tale ones. Which makes us look at our relationships and think there is something wrong, when the relationship could be exactly what we need. I am not talking about abusive relationships, if you are in one of those, be it physical or emotional, please leave. However, for the everyday couple, this may not be the case. We see perfect, happy, couples and think why isn’t ours like that? However, you should never compare your relationship to another couple’s because that is just a recipe for disaster. All of this wouldn’t be possible without social media, where we post every aspect of our lives.
Social media is not only affecting how current relationships go on, but it also affects how we create new ones. In a society, where no one knows how to talk to anyone anymore, we have all gone to online dating apps. Now this nothing against dating apps, as I have made a lot of friends off some of them. However, it is the perfect example of how the age of romance is fading. It is nearly impossible to find someone who talks in full sentences and not acronyms. Wyd, Hru, are not how you start a conversation. I started to think they stopped teaching English and grammar in high school after 2005, due to the complete lack of ability to form a sentence. However, no matter how swag you may have, if you can’t hold an intelligible conversation, you shouldn’t be able to get far in the dating scene. However, isn’t the irony strong when it comes to this. Most guys who type like that get more dates than the guys who write complete sentences with complete thoughts. It is actually astounding. How can romance thrive when guys can write a whole sentence in 3 letters and score dates? I won’t get too into this side because I will probably write a whole post on this later.
However, if images of perfect relationships weren’t being posted everywhere, we wouldn’t all be in such a rush to find one, even if we are in a current one. I always feel like this is why so many people are getting themselves into relation-shits instead of relationships. All you see on fb and snapchat, twitter, and Instagram are wedding announcements, pregnancy announcements, and engagements. For some single people, this is just a further reminder that they are somehow failing in life and need to hurry to catch up to their friends. However, please don’t make yourself so desperate, that you will take whatever comes your way and flashes you a cute smile. Learn your worth, both men and women. No one needs another person to make them feel complete. Honesty, you shouldn’t be expecting that. Finding a relationship is about wanting to grow with someone and if you indeed get to the marriage phase. Remember your partner is going to change as life throws curveballs and as they mature, so be prepared to love all the versions of the person you want to be with and not the one they currently are. Also remember there is nothing wrong with waiting until you meet your partner in crime. It does not lower your worth as a person if it takes you longer to find the person you want to be with. There is always this standard that if you aren’t settled by a certain age, that something is wrong with you. However, the same is said for a divorcee like me, that I couldn’t keep a marriage together. However, that is not the case. You don’t know someone’s life or story until you have walked in their shoes or walked by them. Also, if someone is going to judge you for not having accomplished something they feel you already should have, then you honestly don’t need them in your life.
So, in conclusion, romance is dying. Which for someone like me, hurts because instead of being able to do something nice for my man. It is no longer appreciated and is now looked down on upon or it is demanded. I definitely can see a difference because I know hide my hopeful romantic side than flaunt it like I used to when I was younger. However, one thing I have definitely learned is if I can’t find someone who can handle me, all of me, then they don’t really deserve a chance with me anyway. You shouldn’t have to change yourself and your standards to match those who do not meet up to your expectations. Like I said there are billions of people in this world. So even if social media makes it harder, it is not going to stop me from actually finding my partner in crime. It will actually push me harder to not lose sight of myself and what I want. Also, there is no problem with having a set of wants when it comes to a relationship, as long as it is realistic. I will not go into that because it is common sense. Anyway, that is my take on this topic. There is tons I have probably left out, but this is already longer than I had anticipated. If you made it this far, then thank you!
©Writing the Rose